Subject: The Quarantine Edition
In which a pandemic sweeps the world and we discuss it no further, a video is unveiled, a gecko is queried, and something with a dubiously vague relationship to news is shared
Last week I started toying around again with the idea of buying a Lovesac. For those not vested with elite knowledge of this distastefully named object, it is, essentially, an enormous furry beanbag chair stuffed with shredded memory foam. It is also unforgivably expensive.
We had one in one of my previous houses, and by we, I mean my sketchy housemate Andre owned one, and my friend Lori basically lived in it. Given (1) the price (2) the name and (3) the fact that the only person I’ve ever known to own one also used to take down our light fixtures to piss in them, you would not be wrong in wondering why I would want one of these things. But—I think the crucial thing to understand is that my fantasy, re: owning a Lovesac, is to turn a portion of my home office into a giant nest. I now spend probably 45 hours a week in my home office, and I look wistfully at the cats cuddled up in their little fruit tart bed by the window, and I imagine having that for myself.
Somewhere, deep within, is this completely unfounded instinct that insists if only I could curl up in something giant, circular, squishy, and soft, all my needs would be satiated. Suddenly I would achieve a wholeness of being that has until now eluded me. If I could sleep in such a manner, I would certainly begin astral projecting, or at the very least lucid dreaming. It would seem so quaint, that so many people aspire to such a feeling through intensive disciplines: meditation, yoga, trail running, elaborately constructed sexual scenarios…and I had achieved it through the low cost of just one month’s rent.
What occurs to me is that this unfounded instinct, so deeply and subconsciously buried, is absolutely and without a doubt the result of a lifetime of advertising and capitalist brainwashing. At the heart of it all is this pernicious little message: “If I could just have (x), my life would feel complete/I would feel successful/I wouldn’t need anything else/I would be satisfied.” As if happiness, success, wholeness, and satisfaction are all consumer goods by proxy.
After imagining myself rolling across vast fluffy dreamscapes, I reigned myself in and imagined instead everything else that I could do for the cost of a Lovesac. You know. Support someone who couldn’t make a rent payment. Save up for an extra rent payment in case my job working with public transit falls apart. Actually just…all the ideas pretty much boiled down to rent payments or housing assistance in some form.
Speaking of boiling down: I just got my first boil! On my arm! And it is somewhat infected! In these times of increased hygiene and vigilance, I have nevertheless managed to give my entire household boils, which is definitely a cool and sexy thing to do! It really takes me back to that summer vacation when my friend Laura and I got matching staph infections on our faces, and had to be quarantined and just played Civ 4 for a week straight. The moral here is that although the external enemy should be taken seriously, never forget about the enemy within. (The moral is not, “Wow Nome is gross and we should think deeper about why this kind of thing always happens to her.”)
HYPERLINK ZONE
Yearning for connection? Digital events? Sharing cat pictures? Attend group workout class or powerpoint night? Friend and reader Taylor B has created a cool Slack channel (that I am a member of).
Join the MarchSadness Slack
Do you like interactive fiction? Regardless of how you responded to that question, I think you should. Experimental storytelling! Get back in that Choose Your Own Adventure mindset. Why not play/read a fun game?
Coloratura by Lynnea Glasser
Are our opinions and feelings just bits in the capitalist machine? My thoughts on the Lovesac reminded me of this in-depth piece from the Atlantic, which explores the massive amount of artifice and effort required to create supply and demand within the diamond industry. Written in 1982 but ever-relevant and interesting.
Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?
ASK A GECKO
Dear Lemonfritz,
How is the music video editing going?
Sincerely,
A Star To Be
This month, the gecko himself emerges to answer your question. Because, you see, he was there from the very beginning. He watched through the glass as rolls and spins were attempted, papers were thrown and crumpled and and snatched, coffee was poured (and poured, and poured). The gecko sees all. And he watched the editing. He watched the hours of clicking and sighing, heard the song over and over and over again.
He hopes it was worth it. The disturbance. The rigamarole. Here you are, if you like this kind of thing. → → → Career Boy - Coronavirus Edition (YouTube). ← ← ←
(PS You should really watch the original Career Boy first if you haven’t already seen it).
Expect an update with the outtakes video in the next few weeks. In the meantime, please send your questions to the internet's best advice column, "Ask a Gecko"!